by S.V., 7th grade
You might know that we are building a school right next door. Well, we were fooled. It turns out that it is another place to put all the other extra people that get detention and AP. It is heard that all teachers and staff members are giving out too many detentions and their students are failing their classes. The whole school is getting detentions, except for six students and everyone is in AP, except for eight students. So if you are applying to the “new school,” well, think about it because you will be in prison the rest of your life.
We should have known when we found out the new school will be named CPPA - Centennial Prison Preparatory Academy.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Mr. Heartbreaker
by L.O., 7th grade
Students! Are you curious to the reason WHY the following teachers are gone: Ms. Nenedal, Ms. Sosa, Ms. McMichael, Ms. Seelig, Ms. Ramirez and Ms. Galan?
Well you gotta swear not to tell him! It’s because Mr. Zapata broke their hearts so bad, they couldn’t stand being on the same campus. Maybe that’s why he’s always smiling. My inside source was anonymous. They told me, “Mr. Zapata has always been the insatiable type. If he’s been with someone for over a week, he needs someone new.” (In case you’re wondering, last year Mr. Zapata was in and out of the school for interviews – this is how Ms. Galan, his first victim, developed a crush).
I wanted to hit Mr. Zapata up for a quick interview but I got “no comment.” (Yeah right) I tried to track some of the teachers down to hear their side of the story. I went to each teacher’s home; just at the mention of his name they slammed the door in my face! I later found out that it was Mr. Zapata asking out one teacher to get another teacher jealous! And it just went on and on and on! Is this maybe why Ms. Chai left? Naah! But we just gotta keep an eye on him!
Students! Are you curious to the reason WHY the following teachers are gone: Ms. Nenedal, Ms. Sosa, Ms. McMichael, Ms. Seelig, Ms. Ramirez and Ms. Galan?
Well you gotta swear not to tell him! It’s because Mr. Zapata broke their hearts so bad, they couldn’t stand being on the same campus. Maybe that’s why he’s always smiling. My inside source was anonymous. They told me, “Mr. Zapata has always been the insatiable type. If he’s been with someone for over a week, he needs someone new.” (In case you’re wondering, last year Mr. Zapata was in and out of the school for interviews – this is how Ms. Galan, his first victim, developed a crush).
I wanted to hit Mr. Zapata up for a quick interview but I got “no comment.” (Yeah right) I tried to track some of the teachers down to hear their side of the story. I went to each teacher’s home; just at the mention of his name they slammed the door in my face! I later found out that it was Mr. Zapata asking out one teacher to get another teacher jealous! And it just went on and on and on! Is this maybe why Ms. Chai left? Naah! But we just gotta keep an eye on him!
Ms. Chai is back!
by S.V., 7th grade
Where has Ms. Chai has been all these horrible weeks?
We heard the rumors wrong all along. Some students said that the parents had gotten Ms. Chai fired and she was no longer coming back. Others said that she had gotten tired of our school because no one was behaving bad anymore around her and she needed new students to punish. Another rumor was that she is a very nice, family-oriented woman.
The facts, according to Mr. Seigel, are that Ms. Chai has been at Rita, an Aspire elementary school here in HP, as acting principal. The real principal at Rita was having her first baby so Ms. Chai decided to go help out.
Mr. Seigel was telling lies! Ms. Garcia, our principal, has told me the real true story.
It turns out that the school ran out of money and could not pay Ms. Chai any longer. Mr. Seigel and Mr. Zapata, because they were jealous that Ms. Chai was being paid more than they were, decided to steal her money and use it on the security system.
So in the end Ms. Chai came back to CCPA because she decided that this is her home. Somehow the school found $16,000 to cover Ms. Chai’s return. All students are overjoyed that Ms. Chai is finally back!
Where has Ms. Chai has been all these horrible weeks?
We heard the rumors wrong all along. Some students said that the parents had gotten Ms. Chai fired and she was no longer coming back. Others said that she had gotten tired of our school because no one was behaving bad anymore around her and she needed new students to punish. Another rumor was that she is a very nice, family-oriented woman.
The facts, according to Mr. Seigel, are that Ms. Chai has been at Rita, an Aspire elementary school here in HP, as acting principal. The real principal at Rita was having her first baby so Ms. Chai decided to go help out.
Mr. Seigel was telling lies! Ms. Garcia, our principal, has told me the real true story.
It turns out that the school ran out of money and could not pay Ms. Chai any longer. Mr. Seigel and Mr. Zapata, because they were jealous that Ms. Chai was being paid more than they were, decided to steal her money and use it on the security system.
So in the end Ms. Chai came back to CCPA because she decided that this is her home. Somehow the school found $16,000 to cover Ms. Chai’s return. All students are overjoyed that Ms. Chai is finally back!
Security Camera Update - now in bathrooms!
by L.H., 8th grade
Even if you haven’t read the first article about them, you MUST have seen or heard about the cameras. They’re in the hallways, outside, and in the quad for Pete’s sake!
And now, they’re available in the bathrooms.
I’m not counting on it, but maybe, just maybe, you remember that Mr. Seigel and Mr. Chavez said there are eight VISIBLE cameras and eight HIDDEN cameras. Well, they’re only hidden if you don’t look too closely. And one place most people here wouldn’t look is the bathrooms.
That’s right.
Somehow Centennial staff suspected that attacks and graffiti in the bathroom would recur so they attached cameras to the walls.
This information does not bother me in the least. I don’t use the school bathrooms at all. But those of you who do—you better think about how much you REALLY want to use them.
Obviously if you’re going to tag up the toilets or the walls, we’ll have your face recorded and they willl WATCH the tape until all suspicion has been dispelled.
Just like the normal cameras, these ALSO can be viewed at the homes of staff members who need to monitor it!
Again, I agree with their reasoning.
Have fun next time nature calls!
Even if you haven’t read the first article about them, you MUST have seen or heard about the cameras. They’re in the hallways, outside, and in the quad for Pete’s sake!
And now, they’re available in the bathrooms.
I’m not counting on it, but maybe, just maybe, you remember that Mr. Seigel and Mr. Chavez said there are eight VISIBLE cameras and eight HIDDEN cameras. Well, they’re only hidden if you don’t look too closely. And one place most people here wouldn’t look is the bathrooms.
That’s right.
Somehow Centennial staff suspected that attacks and graffiti in the bathroom would recur so they attached cameras to the walls.
This information does not bother me in the least. I don’t use the school bathrooms at all. But those of you who do—you better think about how much you REALLY want to use them.
Obviously if you’re going to tag up the toilets or the walls, we’ll have your face recorded and they willl WATCH the tape until all suspicion has been dispelled.
Just like the normal cameras, these ALSO can be viewed at the homes of staff members who need to monitor it!
Again, I agree with their reasoning.
Have fun next time nature calls!
Rudy vs. Laura
Dear Laura,
I cannot keep up this charade any longer. Though the last episode of Rudy vs. Laura was a big hit with the wider student populace (many of whom, as you know, relish our flair for the dramatic), continuing to improvise hostility towards you has become, shall we say, an impossible affair.
They say there is a fine line between hatred and passion, between annoyance and enchantment, and between animosity and affection. But now, after knowing you for nearly three years, I can be honest and admit that if even the finest of lines existed between me and you, it would still be too thick.
I have no need for a thesaurus any longer. For me, the word “Laura” will forever be synonymous with all things positive, but most especially “love.”
My affection for you, until now having been clothed in biting sarcasm and whole-hearted attempts at double entendres, is revealed to the world. Will you accept it?
Yours always,
Rudy
Dearest Rudy,
You’ve been on my mind ever since we looked into each other’s eyes and decided what to do with each other. I am at a loss for words with any actual purpose in them – this sentence is merely a method of stalling while my brain tries to catch up to this unmistaken phenomena.
Really, I’m totally flabbergasted that you could draw up enough courage from your purportedly abyssal heart and confess on such a public medium!
And now, finally, I have fully comprehended your proposal, to which I can only say,
GET OFF MY PLANET!! NOW!!!
Love,
Laura.
I cannot keep up this charade any longer. Though the last episode of Rudy vs. Laura was a big hit with the wider student populace (many of whom, as you know, relish our flair for the dramatic), continuing to improvise hostility towards you has become, shall we say, an impossible affair.
They say there is a fine line between hatred and passion, between annoyance and enchantment, and between animosity and affection. But now, after knowing you for nearly three years, I can be honest and admit that if even the finest of lines existed between me and you, it would still be too thick.
I have no need for a thesaurus any longer. For me, the word “Laura” will forever be synonymous with all things positive, but most especially “love.”
My affection for you, until now having been clothed in biting sarcasm and whole-hearted attempts at double entendres, is revealed to the world. Will you accept it?
Yours always,
Rudy
Dearest Rudy,
You’ve been on my mind ever since we looked into each other’s eyes and decided what to do with each other. I am at a loss for words with any actual purpose in them – this sentence is merely a method of stalling while my brain tries to catch up to this unmistaken phenomena.
Really, I’m totally flabbergasted that you could draw up enough courage from your purportedly abyssal heart and confess on such a public medium!
And now, finally, I have fully comprehended your proposal, to which I can only say,
GET OFF MY PLANET!! NOW!!!
Love,
Laura.
T.I. and Lady Gaga to play at end-of-year dance
Great news for you dancers out there! International superstars T.I. and Lady Gaga have agreed to come to CCPA to play live at the end-of-the-year dance. The fee is approximately $15,000. No one at the ASB could be reached to explain where this money came from.
Lady Gaga, whose current hit is “Poker Face,” explained that she got her name as a very young child. “I know I had that name since I was in diapers, but I honestly can’t figure out why,” the expressionless crooner said. “I can’t wait to work with T.I. and find what his initials stand for…Terribly Interesting, Total Imbecile… IDK,” she giggled.
T.I., which stands for Clifford Joseph Harris, his real name, has a big hit called “Dead and Gone.” Mr. I. gushed, “I am looking forward to meeting the students at CCPA and rockin’ their world. I heard they can really dance!”
T. was “MySpaced” by class president Evelyn Perez and, shockingly, he wrote back. At first he asked her out, but once he realized that she was a middle school student he offered to play the dance in exchange for not calling the police.
Miss Perez called to arrange the concert, and tried to say “We’ve already got a gym,” but she was so tongue-tied it came out “Aradey got…got...”
“Sure, I’ll get Lady Gaga,” replied a confused Mr. I.
The dance will be Friday, June 12th, at Leonardo’s Night Club (la Boom). Tickets are available for $2 with school I.D. and $3 without and a $123 handling charge at Ticketmaster.com.
Lady Gaga, whose current hit is “Poker Face,” explained that she got her name as a very young child. “I know I had that name since I was in diapers, but I honestly can’t figure out why,” the expressionless crooner said. “I can’t wait to work with T.I. and find what his initials stand for…Terribly Interesting, Total Imbecile… IDK,” she giggled.
T.I., which stands for Clifford Joseph Harris, his real name, has a big hit called “Dead and Gone.” Mr. I. gushed, “I am looking forward to meeting the students at CCPA and rockin’ their world. I heard they can really dance!”
T. was “MySpaced” by class president Evelyn Perez and, shockingly, he wrote back. At first he asked her out, but once he realized that she was a middle school student he offered to play the dance in exchange for not calling the police.
Miss Perez called to arrange the concert, and tried to say “We’ve already got a gym,” but she was so tongue-tied it came out “Aradey got…got...”
“Sure, I’ll get Lady Gaga,” replied a confused Mr. I.
The dance will be Friday, June 12th, at Leonardo’s Night Club (la Boom). Tickets are available for $2 with school I.D. and $3 without and a $123 handling charge at Ticketmaster.com.
Phoenix basketball returns to Ashes
by A.T., 6th grade
This was a great year of improvement for the CCPA Phoenix basketball teams. Not only did both teams win more games than they did last season, but even the losses were much closer. Unfortunately this will be the last season for basketball at the school. Not enough fans are coming to the games.
“I don’t know what happened,” lamented Head Coach Kirsten Grimm. “Nobody comes to the games anymore.” Grimm is clearly reminiscing about last season when every single game was packed with fans.
Ashes asked the fan who came to the last game what brought him to the game. “I’m just waiting for my mom to come pick me up. I didn’t have anything else to do,” he said.
“We tried offering a better product and even reducing the price, but students don’t seem to care – where is everyone?” sobbed Assistant Coach Keith Drucker.
This was a great year of improvement for the CCPA Phoenix basketball teams. Not only did both teams win more games than they did last season, but even the losses were much closer. Unfortunately this will be the last season for basketball at the school. Not enough fans are coming to the games.
“I don’t know what happened,” lamented Head Coach Kirsten Grimm. “Nobody comes to the games anymore.” Grimm is clearly reminiscing about last season when every single game was packed with fans.
Ashes asked the fan who came to the last game what brought him to the game. “I’m just waiting for my mom to come pick me up. I didn’t have anything else to do,” he said.
“We tried offering a better product and even reducing the price, but students don’t seem to care – where is everyone?” sobbed Assistant Coach Keith Drucker.
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