Rudy vs. Laura

Dear Laura,

I cannot keep up this charade any longer. Though the last episode of Rudy vs. Laura was a big hit with the wider student populace (many of whom, as you know, relish our flair for the dramatic), continuing to improvise hostility towards you has become, shall we say, an impossible affair.

They say there is a fine line between hatred and passion, between annoyance and enchantment, and between animosity and affection. But now, after knowing you for nearly three years, I can be honest and admit that if even the finest of lines existed between me and you, it would still be too thick.

I have no need for a thesaurus any longer. For me, the word “Laura” will forever be synonymous with all things positive, but most especially “love.”

My affection for you, until now having been clothed in biting sarcasm and whole-hearted attempts at double entendres, is revealed to the world. Will you accept it?

Yours always,
Rudy

Dearest Rudy,

You’ve been on my mind ever since we looked into each other’s eyes and decided what to do with each other. I am at a loss for words with any actual purpose in them – this sentence is merely a method of stalling while my brain tries to catch up to this unmistaken phenomena.

Really, I’m totally flabbergasted that you could draw up enough courage from your purportedly abyssal heart and confess on such a public medium!

And now, finally, I have fully comprehended your proposal, to which I can only say,
GET OFF MY PLANET!! NOW!!!

Love,
Laura.